If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
