I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
