She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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