So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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