I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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