Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
nutella sex= disaster
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
