We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
