is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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