Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
