we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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