I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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