there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
