Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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