I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
