i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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