dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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