You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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