Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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