So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize