Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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