He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
