the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
