Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
