is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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