I want to make a zoo with you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
