did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
