We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
