I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
