I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
