oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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