good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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