you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
