My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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