Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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