life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
