Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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