Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
