omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
