See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
