For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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