At least make sure they are 18
Why
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
