How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
