I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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