For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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