Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
