boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize