remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize