tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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