My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
