It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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