I queefed so loud it echoed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
