So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You smell like stripper and shame
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
