I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
