my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
