You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
