She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
