Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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