my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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