It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
