he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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