I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
