You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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