We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
