Reggie can tackle my bush.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
