I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
