Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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